


The Tie that Binds and Breaks Us

by Intangibel (duskbutterfly)



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec's POV, Angst, Clary tells it like it is, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Parabatai Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 07:58:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8154908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duskbutterfly/pseuds/Intangibel
Summary: Clary takes it upon herself to make Jace see that he's equally responsible for the weakening of his Parabatai bond with Alec and that he needs to do so much more to fix it. Alec, an unwilling overhearer, hears some hard truths and struggles with the concept of Clary defending him. Can they make it work? Keep Alec & Jace's Parabatai Bond, Clary & Jace's relationship and form a new friendship between Alec & Clary or will it all fall apart?"You told me that becoming a parabatai meant forming a bond which was deeper and more powerful than any other bond – that they are a part of you, in battle you said your hearts beat as one. And Luke – Luke told me what happens if you betray or break that parabatai bond. It will destroy a part of both of you.”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mia_Zeklos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mia_Zeklos/gifts).



> This fic is dedicated to and inspired by @Mia_Zelkos who made me realise just how important Jace and Alec's relationship is and how much I really wanted it to be resolved better than the show does. I also believe that Alec did love Jace, that loving Magnus does not and should not impact the truth or existence of that love. After all, there aren't too many people who have only ever loved one person in their life, I certainly have loved more than one and I don't believe that love is any less genuine if it didn't work out for all eternity. 
> 
>  
> 
> **This is set between episodes 1x06 ‘Of Men and Angels’ and 1x07 ‘Major Arcana’, when Clary has learnt that Luke and Valentine used to be Parabatai and Alec, for the first time, has reached out to Magnus, not for just to protect Jace and help Clary, but for himself.**

“Jace, listen to me!”

 

Clary. Why was it always Clary who was one step ahead of him? One step closer to Jace. Why was he, Jace’s parabatai, the one stuck on the wrong side of Jace’s bedroom door? He should leave. He needed to leave before he heard something he couldn’t un-hear.  Maybe Izzy was right, maybe this was so hard because he’d never really had to share Jace before, the other girls, both of them had known they didn’t mean anything to Jace, just pleasant and fleeting distractions. But Clary was different. Different in a way Alec could never compete with. Ironic that it was Clary who’d been able to see it, who’d been able to see how much it hurt him to have the man he loved, more than anything else in this world, want a lover to be the thing Alec could never become – a woman.  

“This doesn’t concern you, Clary.”

“Yes. It. Does. You told me that becoming a parabatai meant forming a bond which was deeper and more powerful than any other bond – that they are a part of you, in battle you said your hearts beat as one. And Luke – Luke told me what happens if you betray or break that parabatai bond. It will destroy a part of both of you.”

“Alec’s the one weakening our bond.”

Jace’s words sliced through Alec like seraph blades, burning as they cleaved him apart, stealing his ability to stand, to breathe. 

“ _No_. He’s not Jace.” 

Alec’s breath caught, confusion rushing through him. Why was Clary defending him from Jace? 

“Really? He left me. You needed him and he wouldn’t stand by me.”

“How can you be so blind, Jace? Can’t you see that the reason you can’t stand Simon is the same reason that Alec can’t bring himself to like me?” 

“What? No! You don’t understand –”

“He _loves_ you, Jace.”

“And I love him, he’s my –”

“No. Jace,” Clary sighed and the next words were so quiet Alec could barely hear them even though he felt like his whole life might depend on them, “it’s not just about your bond for Alec. He loves you and he’s trying to protect you from doing something that might get you thrown out of this world. I don’t get all your rules and I sure as hell don’t respect most of them, but Alec knows what risks you’ve all taken for me and he can’t bear to imagine what would happen if you had to pay that price. Even though part of him realises he can’t ever make you love him the way he loves you, he will always try to protect you. That’s who Alec is, that’s how he demonstrates his love to you, and to Izzy, and to your parents – although God only knows they don’t deserve it.”

“But I – But Alec and I –”

“You need to let him back in, Jace. You need to listen to him Jace, trust him – Jace, I know that it’s hard but you need to _love him_ the way you did before. You might not be able to give Alec everything he wants, but he deserves everything the two of you had before you met me. If there’s something that Alec and I don’t agree on, you can’t take sides Jace – you have to let Alec and I find our own way of – we have to find our own way of sharing you and I’m not saying that’s going to be easy. Just as, one day, you will have to find a way of sharing Alec. Whether it’s with Magnus –”

“What do you mean Magnus? Like Alec and –”

“Magnus or someone else. And that won’t be easy either. But if I’ve learnt anything from my mom, Luke and Valentine, it’s that we have to find a way for the three of us, and one day, the four of us, to love and support each other. Before it tears all of us apart.”

Alec was still sitting on the ground, his back against the wall, his head in his hands when Jace opened his door – maybe it was only minutes, maybe it was hours later. Alec didn’t know. All he could hear, over and over in his head were Clary’s words: _‘the four of us, to love and support each other.’_ He’d never been able to think beyond Jace. It had always felt like in even considering that he might really feel something for someone else, for Magnus, that he was somehow betraying his love for Jace. Was that why it had been so hard for him to stay longer than that drink? Was that part of why Magnus made him feel so jumbled up inside?

“Alec? _ALEC!”_

Alec heard Jace’s shout as though from a distance. Felt Jace’s hands roughly gripping his shoulders, shaking him as he knelt in front of him.  It took everything he had to meet Jace’s eyes, knowing that Jace knew or guessed that Alec had heard his and Clary’s conversation. Alec didn’t know what Jace saw in his eyes, but he saw fear and guilt and pain in Jace’s eyes.

And then Jace was pulling him into his arms, holding him so tight he almost lifted Alec off the ground. And suddenly the world snapped back into focus. Alec could hear and see everything clearly, could feel his heartbeat change to match Jace’s as his parabatai tightened his arms around him.

“I need you, Alec. You were right, somewhere in this mess, I lost sight of how much I need you in my life, now and forever. It’s me who should have been asking for forgiveness – I never truly understood –” Jace blew out a breath, clearly struggling to find the words, “I never really understood how much you loved me –” 

Alec froze. How long had he wanted to hear Jace say those words to him? It felt like there’d never been a day when he hadn’t loved Jace and being waiting for him to realise.

“– or how much I took your love for granted.” Jace finished, his bowed head resting against Alec’s shoulder.

Alec could hardly believe it. There should have been pain, the same burning pain he’d felt when Jace had wrapped his arms around him after failing to hear or understand what he’d truly meant when Alec had told him he loved him after the demon took that precious memory from him. And yet, somehow, this time was different. There was a new understanding between them, a fundamental shift and yet, in another way it was exactly the same as it had been before Clary. It felt like once again they each knew that they loved and were bound to one another. Only this time, Alec’s guilt and shame in that love had lifted, leaving only the love between two connected people.

“It’s okay, Jace,” Alec said, his voice sounding rough as he dug deep to find the words so he wouldn’t turn back into a stuttering mess. “I never thought I’d say this but I think Clary is right. I don’t really know how, but I know I can – _I will_ – find a way to love you both. And maybe, in time, that will become the four of us, loving and supporting each other. The only thing I can’t bear would be to lose you, Jace, forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know what you think! You can also come visit me on Tumblr (intangibel.tumblr.com) xx


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